


The last thing they cannot unleash on the world

by jessikast



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crack, Exhibitionism, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Making Out, Nile gets teased, Really really really really ridiculously good looking, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessikast/pseuds/jessikast
Summary: "Hey, Nicky, how come you never grow a beard? In all those photos Copley had, Andy's got different hairstyles but you and Joe always look the same. Wouldn't it make sense to kind of...change it up a bit? Like a disguise?"Suddenly, the other three were all looking at her. Their faces were solemn. Andy spoke first. "Guys...it's time she knows."
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 46
Kudos: 1277





	The last thing they cannot unleash on the world

**Author's Note:**

> Fluffy crack, inspired when I did an image search for Marwan Kenzari and Luca Marinelli. And, guys. Guys. It was A MOMENT.
> 
> Un-beta'd, written in a rush because the idea made me laugh.

Nicky came out of the bathroom, towelling the traces of shaving foam off his chin, and Nile ask something she'd been wondering about since she saw the photos on Copley's wall of _Appropriate Coping Mechanisms Nothing To Worry About Here_.

"Hey, Nicky, how come you never grow a beard? In all those photos Copley had, Andy's got different hairstyles but you and Joe always look the same. Wouldn't it make sense to kind of...change it up a bit? Like a disguise?"

Suddenly, the other three exchanged glances, then were all looking at her. Their faces were solemn. Andy spoke first. "Guys...it's time she knows." If Nile knew Andy a little better she would have seen the spark of amusement in her eyes.

Joe turned to Andy. "Are you certain? Is it time?"

Nicky nodded. "Boss is right. Nile needs to know."

Nile was starting to feel worried. "What's going on? Guys?" Was there some awful new aspect to immortality they hadn't told her yet?

Nicky came forward and held her hand in both of his. "Give us two-" Unnoticed, behind Nile's back, Joe was waving three fingers in the air and a brochure for the secluded B&B in Spain they'd been eyeing up. "Three weeks. And then..." He paused, meaningfully. "You will know."

"What-" Nile started, but the two men had already grabbed a couple of dufflebags (always kept packed and ready) and their wallets and were out the door. 

"Ciao!" Nicky called as the door shut, and the room was quiet.

"-the fuck," she finished.

Andy grinned at her. "So! Looks like we've got three weeks to tackle some good solid training. How's your krav maga?"

* * *

Three weeks to the day later, Nile was sitting exhausted on the sofa and didn't react in time when she heard Andy's faint footstep just behind her. The ambush was Andy ducking down to cover Nile's eyes with her hands. "The boys are back," she said in Nile's ear. "Just heard the car pull up. Brace yourself."

"For what?" Nile asked, not even bothering to struggle - she was too tired to bother with the indignity. "I don't understand what-"

The door opened, and she heard footsteps and bags being dropped. "Is she ready?" asked Joe, sounding grave. "Perhaps just Nicky first. Otherwise it might be too much."

"I agree," said Andy. There was a suppressed quaver of hilarity in her voice.

Nile heard Joe leaving the room. "Okay, Nile," said Andy, moving her hands away from Nile's face. "This is why Nicky doesn't have a beard."

Nile opened her eyes. Her jaw dropped and her stomach swooped as she reacted to the sight in front of her. The beard - at that fashionable length that was just past stubble - gleamed gold on Nicky's jawline. He held his hands in front of him, palm-to-palm and ducked his chin a little and looked up at her from under his lashes. It was a pose Nile had seen on the cover of boyband albums and always thought was a little silly. It didn't look silly now. "Hey," he said, his voice low and sultry.

Nile bit her lip.

"Okay, Joe, bring it out," Andy said, vaulting over the back of the sofa to settle cross-legged next to Nile. 

Nile managed to drag her eyes from Nicky when Joe...slinked into the room. That was the only way to describe it. His beard was trimmed shorter, curly hair shorn closer to his scalp. He was wearing the same kind of clothes he always did, but somehow now they just seemed different. The neck of his sweater - the same old, worn one he'd worn out the door three weeks ago, did those men even change clothes? - hung just enough to reveal his collarbone. Joe stopped next to Nicky, and focussed those dark, intense eyes on Nile. "How _you_ doing?" he said. _Intensely_. 

Nile whimpered. She wasn't proud of it.

"Guys, do the thing," said Andy. She had, from somewhere, acquired a bowl of popcorn.

"Andy, are you sure?" said Nicky. "It might be too much..."

"Do the thing, do the thing!"

"All right," he said, and looked at Nile. "What you are about to witness...well, it has brought strong men to their knees."

Andy snorted. "Don't be crude, Nicky." She elbowed Nile. "He just means Joe." Joe sniggered - somehow, it didn't take away from his attractiveness. Nile crossed her legs.

The two men faced each other, only inches apart. The smoldering intensity which had held Nile pinned in place was now focussed only on each other - and she realised that what she'd been subjected to was only a seven or eight on the scale. Joe licked his lips. Nile found that the scale went to eleven. Nicky moved forward, just enough that they stood, mouths parted, just _barely_ not touching - but it was clear they wanted to, they were visibly yearning for each other. Joe broke first, swaying forward to kiss Nicky. Nile caught a glimpse of tongue, then Nicky was pressing Joe backward, fast, pushing up up to the wall so he could hold him there with his entire body as they kissed, deeply, hands fisted in one other's shirts. Nile saw a sliver of Nicky's back and side as Joe started to pull up the shirt and she stood abruptly.

"All right, that's it! I'm out! I'm not old enough to be seeing this!" She covered her face to hide the dark blush on her cheeks and turned to stumble out towards the hallway with the bedrooms and bathroom, intent on either a cold shower...or some privacy. Behind her she could hear Andy cracking up, and between her fingers saw Nicky and Joe chuckling - Nicky still holding Joe pressed between him and the wall, but he'd dropped his forehead to rest on Joe's shoulder, and his hands were resting easily on Joe's hips. They didn't move apart though.

"Well," Andy said through a mouthful of popcorn. "I'm pretty sure _I'm_ not old enough to be seeing this."

"Sorry, Nile," Joe said, making a valiant effort to straighten his expression. "But you had to see to understand. Why, for the good of humanity, we could not risk letting my Nicolo grow a beard. He is too beautiful, too memorable."

"Ah, don't be modest," said Nicky, and did something one hand that Nile couldn't see but that made Joe jump a little.

"To be fair," said Andy, "it's a limited time thing. Once Nicky's beard gets a bit longer the effect wears off and he just looks scruffy. Joe too - get him actually clean-shaven and he looks weirdly sleazy. But-" she waved in explanation. "Now you understand, right?" She leaned forward and fixed Nile with a firm look. "This," she intoned, "is our last secret. The thing we cannot unleash on the world." She sat back and smirked at Nile's blush and obvious edging towards the door, and Nicky and Joe who were still plastered together. "Now, please. Go to your rooms!"

**Author's Note:**

> As a mental aid to this fic, please picture that Flynn Rider smoulder.


End file.
